A woman simply is, but a man must become. Masculinity is risky and elusive. It is achieved by a revolt from woman, and it is confirmed only by other men. Manhood coerced into sensitivity is no manhood at all. [Emphasis added.]

Camille Paglia¹

This blog post has evolved significantly since I began laying the groundwork for it, including growing past my original intent of discussing men specifically in the context of reading, books, and access to stories that appeal to men—although I will still be doing that. The big issue that I ran into is that our modern² world has no idea what men are! I can’t just assume anymore that my readers will have a near-enough shared definition with me.

Western culture, once, had a clear, defined (and healthy) view of men and masculinity, but now some people, in a losing battle against all self-evident reality, reject the very notion of even biological maleness existing (or having any inherent virtue).³

What insanity.

Well. I’m not going to bury the lead. What is a man?

The biological answer should be the easiest, most brain-dead answer to that question: A man is an adult human male. If you can’t agree with me on that point, I’m not going to put forth the effort to diagnose your specific mental illness.

So what does being a man mean? What do men do? What is masculinity?

I’m going to give my answer in two parts, starting with what my answer almost was. This answer of what men are, what being a man means, stems from what men do (a very masculine way to focus on meaning), and a distillation that nearly perfectly captures all of this was provided by Devon Eriksen:

Men explore. Men fight. And men build.

Speaking completely neutrally, Devon’s definition of men (via what they do) might be the strongest I’ve ever encountered, as pretty much anything masculine that you can think of can be divided into one of those categories—good and bad.

But that’s where I run into my personal issue with Devon’s quote—there is no aspect of maleness or masculinity that is bad, for the subversion of masculine virtues is what creates typically male sins (in a “darkness only exists as the absence of light” kind of way); as such, I’m hesitant to wholly adopt a neutral definition of what it means to be a man.⁴ I believe maleness to be a part of divinity—or absolute/self-evident truth, for anyone who doesn’t believe in deity—which requires it to be inherently good.

So here’s my revision, inspired by language in The Family Proclamation:

Men Protect. Men Provide.

That’s it. Men protect. Men provide. If you fill that masculine role, and you are biologically male, you are a man. If you are not biologically male, you cannot be a man even if you protect and provide; if you are biologically male but do not protect and provide, you are hopefully a child (and thus working toward becoming a man).

I think literally everything good that is manly or masculine could be categorized as a form of protecting or providing (and literally everything wicked that is more likely to be committed by men than women is a subversion of one of those things).

Let’s use Devon’s three key items of maleness to illustrate this point. I think each item can be attributed to protecting or providing in differing circumstances (which I will address as I go along).

Why do men explore? I think exploration is first a function of providing. Men who explore are able to discover resources that they did not have before, which they are then able to exploit so they are better able to provide. Not all men choose to explore—both in the literal sense of visiting undiscovered or unvisited locations or in the nonliteral sense of, for example, pioneering new fields of technology—and those that do often have to take personal risks, but the rewards may be great for those who do.

Exploration also serves to test men, to show them whom they are and to help them become more than they are—which increases their fitness when it comes to providing, as well as protecting!

Why do men fight? Throughout so much of human history, fighting was a man’s primary tool for protecting. Men necessarily had to be capable of fighting to protect themselves, their loved ones, and their property, whether against other men, wild animals, or natural circumstances (e.g. natural disasters, wilderness living, etc). The need for men capable of physically fighting is still relevant today: we need police officers and soldiers to protect our communities and nations, but we also need individuals who are capable of acting in emergency situations at a moment’s notice. Good guys with guns stop attacks from spiraling into all-out tragedies; on the other hand, waiting for police response time is still going to give an attacker plenty of time to cause some damage before getting arrested. As a best-case scenario.⁵

Fighting doesn’t always need to be literal and physical, of course. Battles can be fought in courtrooms, at debate podiums, and the outcomes of such events can be just as impactful on individuals and families as a physical fight with a sword or gun.

Fighting can also be a method of providing, of course. Hunting for food is the most direct example there. If a man fights an unjust law or regulation that harms his business, he’s fighting to provide for himself and those that depend on him.

Why do men build? In my mind, building is first a function of providing, just as with exploration—and I don’t even know where to begin with my examples. Farmers build food-producing farms and thus provide for their families and their neighbors; electricians are involved in building and maintaining homes, providing higher quality of living for everyone involved; entrepreneurs build businesses that employ and provide for their employees and customers, and connect different communities through mutually beneficial trade; nation builders, ideally, build states that provide the ideal circumstances for their citizens to be able to make the most of their own lives (and then get out of the way); the list goes on.

Builders are protectors, too. Everything in our modern world that increases sanitation, that provides improved access to shelter, that mitigates the ravages of disease or natural disasters—things that someone had to build (or manufacture, a form of building)—that protects one nation’s people from another’s, and more, protects us from the harsh natural state of existence.

It was men who stopped slavery. It was men who ran up the stairs in the Twin Towers to rescue people. It was men who gave up their seats on the lifeboats of the Titanic. Men are made to take risks and live passionately on behalf of others.

John Eldredge

And there’s so much more that can be connected to these ideas beyond Devon’s points. Men take responsibility. Men innovate and invent. Men heal. All of these, and more, are both commonly understood as masculine actions and are forms of protecting and providing.

As a final note before moving on to another topic, I also prefer my above definition because I think it is more easily applicable to men in all ages. “Men fight,” as an example, does not necessarily always need to be interpreted as physical combat, but most people will at least first think of it that way—after all, thousands of years of history have created an association between men and physical violence, for reasons righteous and wicked. While I don’t think it’s wise for men to neglect their physical capabilities, it is true that many modern men are computer warriors who may never need to throw a punch in their lives, and I think it’s possible for these adult human males to be just as much men as their ancestors who carried spears on a daily basis—meaning, to fulfill that critical, masculine function of protecting and providing.⁶

And our world desperately needs men of all shapes and sizes, stripes and colors.

Anyway. How did looking into men and publishing get me on this topic in the first place?

It all started when I read my friend Tanner Millett’s Substack essay Boy Initiate: The Forgotten Arc of Male Becoming in YA Fiction.⁷ A lot of stuff hit me hard in that essay, and I’m going to do my best to break it down while staying on-topic.

Here’s the gist of the essay. Per Tanner’s research (and, I think, the self-evident nature of men for anyone who is familiar with them), boys develop their internal identities (a critical step in becoming men) in isolation. Ideally this involves a period of total isolation where the boy has to struggle physically and spiritually, relying wholly on himself.

Boys learn what they are made of when they are the only resource available.

Tanner Millett

Time spent separated from women, in company with other developing boys and limited company with adult men, can also provide the necessary chrysalis, as it were, for this metamorphosis. Regardless of the exact degree of isolation, some amount is still required, and boys who do not receive this proving period often struggle to form their own identities. And Tanner’s not just philosophizing out of his own ideas and experiences here; he backs up these points with psychological research foundational to modern understanding of boyhood.⁸

On the other hand, girls are complementary opposites to boys in the sense that they tend to develop their identities through connections with others: “the female comes to know herself as she is known, through her relationships with others.”⁹

This knowledge highlights a major red flag that’s raised when Tanner has a conversation with another author who insists that YA (Young Adult) stories must involve romance to be YA—and not just romance, but feminine romance, meaning constant group involvement and interaction between parties. No boys going off on their own adventures, finding themselves, and returning home to their love. This interaction of Tanner’s was a microcosm of how traditional publishing as a whole tends to solely acknowledge feminine stories told in feminine ways, completely ignoring the existence of other perspectives, needs, and developmental journeys—specifically, masculine ones.

Okay. Well, why does this matter? There are more genres than Young Adult for boys to read. There are also more publishing paths providing books and stories than just traditional publishing.

Tanner’s answer is largely twofold. One, most new readers are going to be exposed primarily to books that are being advertised at them, and for young readers that’s going to be newly published YA. Boy readers might never have the opportunity to discover books meant for them if they immediately bounce off the wall of newly released feminine novels not meant for them. Two, YA as a genre very often focuses on themes of identity and self-discovery (appropriate, given the age range of the intended audience), but most modern published novels only tell one half of the story, leaving the other half in the cold. At the moment, “Young Adult” fiction would more accurately (or honestly) be described as “Young Woman” fiction.

I’d also like to add that, like it or not, novels are cultural artifacts, and they are methods through which cultures and values are passed down. Tanner touches on this: parents (most notably fathers, for boys) are primarily responsible for handing down these values, but books are a powerful tool that fathers can use to assist them in this task.

For the more a boy is inundated with stories that reflect both his needs and the times he lives in, the better he will understand and be prepared for the journey he must take. And while the optimal reflection of a boy’s developmental needs should be found in the teachings of his father, fathers also need vehicles for transferring the knowledge they’ve both received from past generations and developed on their own. Fatherhood is difficult enough as is—established systems of learning passed from generation to generation are crucial tools in helping the father provide a path for his son, while also dedicating time to the rest of the family. Stories can be that vehicle.

And there is a great need for those vehicles now. A need for new Hero’s Journeys that take the classic wisdom of separation and examine how such journeys can be undertaken in our modern world. Stories that explore what it means to become a man during the 21st century and the difficulties that come with it.

Books where boys can see themselves becoming men, in archetype and reflection.

While not as ideal as actually experiencing the conditions a boy needs to form identity, grow, and learn, boys are still able to pick up valuable lessons and experience things vicariously in the books they read, but only if these books provide stories that accomplish this in the first place.

Only if these books provide stories that understand what men are and how boys can become men.

And, I should emphasize, these books are extremely valuable supplementary tools. When I say that books are “not as idea as actually experiencing” something, I don’t mean to discount the value of a good story. Stories have value. Fiction and myths are powerful. Entire generations can be influenced or shaped by one mighty story. But these things work best when those generations are also experiencing the real world, a place where they can put into practice the lessons and values they are absorbing.

Shortly after reading Tanner’s essay and having some time to ponder on it, I discovered the following video by Kristin over at The Nonsense-Free Editor, which (intentionally or unintentionally) added to the conversation quite well:

Kristin’s video gave me a little hope. I was already aware that traditional publishing’s failure to serve boys and men created a market gap that indie publishing was partially addressing,¹⁰ which had brought me stellar books such as the After Moses series (Michael F Kane). What I hadn’t known was that men at large are still reading avidly, but have been flocking in droves to web novels.¹¹

To the point where web novels were a $34 BILLION industry in 2023 (an industry which has only been growing), per Kristin’s research.

History really does repeat itself. Web novels are pretty similar to pulp stories back in the day—short, serialized, cheaply produced, sometimes repetitive (because of the gap of time between publishing episodes)—and, if my knowledge of history is good, pulp stories were quite popular with the men of their time. Unlike old pulp stories, modern web novels allow readers to comment on each episode (or chapter) as it is published, giving the author almost real-time feedback from his audience and creating a strong sense of community among author and readers. There are men out there who prize these spaces.

This doesn’t necessarily help boys, though, as most boys aren’t going to be led to web novels by their peers and, I predict, few will discover it on their own. Thus we remain with a major aspect of culture that’s largely failing to understand boys and men, let alone attempt to engage with them.

I’m not sure what the solution is—to our world failing to understand, support, and value men, nor to publishing failing to properly serve an enormous part of its audience. To provide a starting point (among many), I’m here focusing primarily on books and stories, because that’s my niche, hoping to make a difference. I am an author, after all. (Hey, buy my books! ☺)

And man. I’m doing my best to protect and provide in my spheres of influence. Hopefully that inspires others to do the same.

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Addendum A. Many people take male quotes about the inherent relationship between men and self-sacrifice too far. Self-sacrifice is a key part of both masculinity and femininity, but it tends to be expressed in different—but complementary—ways. This self-sacrifice is only good and healthy if it uplifts masculine and feminine virtues.

Let’s look at “men protect” as an example, specifically with regards to soldiers. Good soldiers don’t want to die, but they will still willingly lay down their lives in defense of their brothers-in-arms, of their families, and of their nations. This, though hard and often tragic, is a virtue, an ultimate act of masculine protection that will help ensure the continued existence of the things the man loves.

In most, and less-extreme, examples, however, masculine self-sacrifice works as most sacrifice should: the man gives up something, and then gets more out of it. For example, a man who is already sufficiently financially providing for his family might sacrifice a promotion into a job that would cause him to spend significant amounts of time away from his family because, in his specific circumstances, he knows that increased time away will harm his ability to provide for his family in other ways—by not being present he may not be able to pass down generational knowledge and values, perhaps. Despite the frustration such a man may feel in seeing opportunity for professional growth pass him by, he may well more than make up the loss in the increased growth he sees in his family an children.

(Other men need to sacrifice time with family so they can work enough to support their family—a form of providing. Individual circumstances require individual adaptation. As well, most circumstances aren’t ideal, meaning a man will need to protect and provide as best as he is able with what he has and has built up.)

Unhealthy self-sacrifice, for men, runs counter to masculine virtues. It does not ultimately protect, it does not ultimately provide, and it provides nothing of value to the man in exchange for the sacrifice. To use the above examples but negatively, war may be necessary in some instances, but in other instances it needlessly wastes the lives of soldiers—unhealthy self-sacrifice. Some men might give so much to their families that they (unnecessarily) lose their health and lose their ability to provide and protect, another example of unhealthy self-sacrifice.

Or, in current internet discourse, some men are told to suck it up when their wives are no longer interested in meeting their sexual needs, and to keep meeting the wife’s emotional needs anyway—this is also unhealthy self-sacrifice. While husband or wife will need to make personal sacrifices in a relationship (which may include temporary periods of abstinence for men), it’s not healthy to expect one party to permanently sacrifice a core need just because the other isn’t feeling it anymore.

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Addendum B. While preparing for this blog post, I found all sorts of quotes that I both found inspiring or that amused me. Here’s the list that didn’t make it anywhere above:

What is a man? A miserable pile of secrets!

Dracula, Symphony of the Night (a Castlevania game)

He showed me what it was to be a man. Strong and good. But mostly the second, I think.

Davey (Michael F Kane), After Moses: Virtus

“Martin said that for there to be civilization men must tame themselves. They must be virtuous. If they are not, then they will only bring destruction. And the best way to do that—”

“Is to use their strength in service to others… To give of themselves.”

“Virtus.”

Julia and Davey (Michael F Kane), After Moses: Virtus

I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.

Michael Jordan

Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.

Marcus Aurelius

Duty is the essence of manhood.

General Paxton

Men want a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue. That is what is written in their hearts. That is what little boys play at. That is what men’s [stories] are about. You just see it. It is undeniable.

John Eldredge

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1. I admit it’s a little ironic to open a man-centric blog post with a quote by a feminist—but it’s such an impressive distillation of true principles! ↩︎
2. And I use this word with every drip of poison or sarcasm it so often deserves. ↩︎
3. This is a pervasive issue with femaleness and femininity, too, but I’m not going to address such things very much in this blog post. Why? Our culture already hyper-fixates on women, femininity, and so forth, and men are often ignored or shunted to the back seat. There is plenty of discourse out there both naturally and artificially elevated to the forefront of conversation. If you want a good resource, Matt Walsh’s What Is a Woman? already does a sufficient job at exploring that question while only giving a clear, concise, and hard answer on the biological end: an adult human female. ↩︎
4. I need to massively emphasize that Devon does not imply what I’ve explicitly stated here, that the dark shadow of maleness is an inherent part of the definition of masculinity. This is something I grapple with when I consider Devon’s definition, which is why I have chosen to slightly revise it for myself. ↩︎
5. The number of unsolved rapes and murders speak to the other end of the spectrum—not just that they happen, but that the perpetrators get away. Clearance rates (for murders) were about 61% in 2024, which means about 39% of murders go unsolved. ↩︎
6. Which ideally evolves forming families, leading those families, and strengthening communities. ↩︎
7. It’s a good essay. Check it out. ↩︎
8. Tanner’s source: Identity: Youth and Crisis (1968), Erik Erikson. ↩︎
9. Quoted from Tanner’s essay. His source: In a Different Voice: Psychological Theory and Women’s Development (1982), page 12, Carol Gilligan. ↩︎
10. Not very well, in Kristin’s opinion. ↩︎
11. Inkitt, Royal Road, WebNovel, WattPad, etc. ↩︎